If you’ve opted to sell your product with a sales letter, you will need to look for some special qualities in the person you pick to write the cash-sucking monster that will have your customers reaching for their wallets in a hypnotic trance. Many are called to sales letter writing, but few are chosen.
If your prospective sales letter writer shows signs of literacy, engages in multisyllabic self-indulgence, or insists on exploring alternative direct sales methods, run away like your pants are on fire. Anyone with the sense God gave a rutabaga knows that the sales letter is the ONLY possible way to sell anything on the net. Ask anyone who writes sales letters for a living. They’ll tell you.
A competent sales letter writer will specialize in one niche, and one niche only. This quality is important, so pay attention. All sales letters on your niche should be close variations of each other. If your sales letter writer suggests that you depart in any way from the proven success shown by everyone else in your niche, he is a charlatan and should be reported to someone, anyone, in authority. If you can’t find the proper authority, call your county sheriff and inquire. He will be glad to hear from you. If you live outside the US, contact INTERPOL. They have little else to do and will start a file on the scammer immediately.
Insist on seeing prior work done by the prospective sales letter writer to make absolutely sure that his sales letters are similar to all other sales letters in your niche.
Always mention Dan Kennedy before hiring anyone. If he says something like, “The next time someone brings that old bastard up I’m going to puke on my shoes,” don’t hire him. All real sales letter writers idolize Dan Kennedy if they know what’s good for them. Make sure that your prospective writer has attended at least one Dan Kennedy seminar. A good prospect will tell you that he has even if he hasn’t.
Ask several other sales letter writers about your candidate. They will be happy to offer constructive advice and intimate details of his private life. Check his Facebook profile to make sure that there are no pictures of him in a drunken stupor clutching half-naked blow-up dolls. You never can be too careful.
The absolute best way to find an expert sales letter writer is to ask him to recommend an expert sales letter writer. If he tells you what to do with the proverbial rolling donut, he just might be the one.
NOTE: Certain mean-spirited, nit-picking people may notice that I have used the male pronoun exclusively to refer to sales letter writers. This usage is not meant to demean women in any way. If women want to clutch half-naked blow-up dolls in a drunken stupor or puke on their shoes, that is certainly their right.
